


the love you deserve, oh if i could give it to you

by jordantaylorking



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Break Up, Denial of Feelings, F/M, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-22
Updated: 2020-02-17
Packaged: 2020-12-28 01:49:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21128789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jordantaylorking/pseuds/jordantaylorking
Summary: Jughead Jones and Betty Cooper broke up during spring break, due to Betty's overwhelming hidden feelings for Archie. Jughead turns back to an old habit that's almost killed him, but he doesn't care. He's spiraling, and the only person who notices, is the last one Jughead would ever expect.





	1. Chapter 1

It was a warm spring day, the first day back from spring break, and the sun was shining down hard on Jughead as he was walking towards the schools main doors. His long sleeves were practically sticking to him as he stepped into the building, the cold air coming from the air conditioner cooling his body almost instantly.

As he was walking to his first class, biology, he made eye contact with Betty, who was talking to, well, more like _swooning __over _Archie. The new couple had only been going out for 2 days, but had clearly been holding back true feelings for much longer than they knew. Jughead and Betty had broken up during spring break because she had finally told jughead about her lasting feelings for Archie.

And it fucking sucked.

He'll never forget waiting nervously for Betty, waiting for her to come by his trailer. He had gone to the store and boughten her roses, her favorite.

He'll never forget answering the door, holding the roses behind his back, and looking into her teary eyes. _'Whats wrong, Betts?' _He remembers asking.

He'll never forget the way she cried when she told everything about Archie, and how she couldn't keep her feelings to herself anymore.

He'll never forget the way she was saying how sorry she was, and how she wished she could 'control her feelings' and all that other _bullshit._

He''ll never forget the way he comforted her, and told her that everything was going to be okay, and it wasn't her fault, all while he was slowly beginning to break on the inside.

When Betty had left that day, Jughead had felt alone. And not the alone you feel when you're simply just home alone, but the _bone-deep,_ and_ gut-wrenching _pain of knowing you are truly, and utterly alone.

Jughead was no stranger to self-harm. Hell, that's practically how he made it through middle school. He had stopped once he started dating Betty. She was the one person in his life who always made him feel cared for, made him feel _important. _But now that was fucking gone.

So long story short, that's why Jughead Jones is wearing a heavy ass sweater in the 80 fucking degree weather. 

Betty saw him as well, and started walking towards him, Archie falling beside her. She eyed his outfit, and slightly raised her eyebrow. 

"Hey, Juggie!" Betty said semi-awkwardly, not really knowing what to say to the raven haired boy.

"Hey, Betty." Jughead said in a monotone voice, moving to the side of the hall so they could talk, even though that's the _last _thing he wanted to do.

Betty frowned slightly at Jughead not using her usual nickname, but didn't say anything. She could understand why. They all hesitated to ask how each others spring breaks were.

They all knew _exactly _what had happened.

"So, did you finish Mrs.Miller's homework? I didn't get around to all of it." Archie asked.

Jughead wanted to say so many things to this _asshole. 'Oh, were you too busy fucking my girlfriend to get to it?' _or _'Eat my dick, Andrews.'_

The last one didn't have much heat to it, but still, Jughead was _fucking pissed._

But still, Jughead swallowed his pride, and in that same monotone voice responded "Yeah, I'll let you copy next hour. Now if you excuse me, I have to use the bathroom." 

Archie nodded in response, and Betty just simply said okay, and watched him leave for .01 seconds, and turned towards Archie to continue talking.

Jughead didn't go the bathroom, he just wanted an excuse to leave that _hell. _Jughead could confidently say he was still in love with Betty Cooper. It hadn't even been a week since the breakup. It had only been 3 fucking days. And Betty didn't seem to give a shit. It was like every moment they had spent together for the past year meant nothing, like he meant nothing.

And maybe he didn't.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi! heres the second chapter, hope you enjoy!

Many people saw Veronica Lodge as perfect. She had money, she had friends, she was _beautiful. _And they were right, for the most part. But if they looked a little deeper, they may have noticed the heavy amount of concealer she put on to hide the large eye bags she bared. They may have noticed the shiny gloss of tears over her dark brown eyes, revealing that she had cried recently.

But no one did, and Veronica wasn't complaining. Not in the slightest. She had to keep up this ideal image of perfection. Her whole family did. After all, they were the Lodge's. 

Veronica had a hard time letting people in. She's been hurt by almost everyone who is supposed to love her. Multiple times at that. That's why when she met Betty, she didn't understand why she had this feeling that they were _destined _to be best friends. Or why she just automatically felt as though she could trust Betty.

That's also why when she had learnt that Betty had feelings for Archie, she backed off. Even though she had feelings for him too, she let Betty have a chance.

So when Veronica walked through the Riverdale doors, she wasn't too pleased to see Archie and Betty flirting with each other. 

Veronica hated feeling weak. She hated feeling like she needed someone. She hated feeling _anything _for someone. Veronica was in love with Archie. There. She finally admitted it. She wasn't proud of it, but that's just how her fucked up life was going right now. 

She never acted on her feelings towards Archie because of Betty. Not even when she and Jughead were dating. It's like a part of her always knew this was going to happen, that this would be inevitable.

Betty eyes caught Veronica's, and she beamed a smile at her while Veronica walked over.

"Hey, V! How was your spring break? I feel like we didn't get to hang out enough." Betty said the last sentence with a slight sadness in her voice.

"Yeah, we missed you." Archie agreed.

"Well I had an amazing spring break," Veronica lied. 

"I stayed at home, relaxed, and met up with some friends. And I missed you guys too." She lied. Again. She did stay home, but she neither relaxed, met up with friends, or missed them. Missing them would mean she wasn't still totally heartbroken just thinking about them.

"Sounds fun, V." Betty said softly.

"It was. I can't imagine fun yours was though, B. But clearly it all worked out for the best, you know? Well, besides for Jughead anyway." Veronica didn't mean to sound so mean, she really didn't. She was still just so fucking hurt.

Betty sighed, while Archie just looked around uncomfortably, reaching his hand up to scratch his neck.

"I'm not sure if he's ever going to forgive us." Archie said.

"Yeah, and it sucks because I still love him and want to be friends." Betty said. 

Veronica had a confused look on her face. "Are you guys _actually _upset that Jughead hasn't forgiven you? He's still in love with you, Betty. I mean, clearly you know what it's like to love someone who doesn't love you back." 

Betty flinched slightly. "I know, V." She snapped.

"I just wish everything could go back to normal." Archie said tiredly, Betty agreeing.

"Look, all I'm going to say is that it's going to be a long time before Jughead forgives you guys. And you also have to be prepared to realize, that he might _not _forgive you both. Ever." And with that, Veronica turned around and left the new couple to try and think of ways to get Jughead to forgive them both.

Veronica walked into Biology, and saw that the only table that didn't already have to people siting down was with Jughead. She sighed inwardly. She did not want to deal with him today.

She got closer to the back table Jughead was sitting and noticed how he was wearing long sleeves. Normally, Veronica wouldn't have given a shit about what Jughead was wearing. All he seemed to own were 'S' t-shirts and his stupid ass gray beanie that Veronica would never understand why he wore.

But today, today was different. It was almost 85 degrees outside and here Jughead was wearing a sweater. A fucking sweater. Not a light one either, a heavy ass looking _winter _sweater. She could practically see the pools of sweat dripping from his pale face. 

_'Maybe it's __nothing.' _Veronica thought to herself.

She got to the table and put her bag down. "Mind if I sit here." She asked tiredly, looking around to room to see if she had missed any other open tables. She hadn't.

"Uh, sure. I don't care." Jughead said, not really focusing on her, but instead typing quickly on his computer.

Veronica nodded and sat down just as the bell had rung, signaling class had begun.

The noise in the classroom died down quickly as Mr.Miller walked in. "Hello class," He began.

"Thank you for remembering to pick new seats, always easier than me having to tell you." He tried to joke.

"Okay well, let's just jump right into today's lesson. Today we are learning about basic anatomy." Mr.Miller said.

Veronica sighed again, this time out loud. She had already taken this class in New York. They were much more curriculum stricken there.

Veronica zoned out, listening to sound of Jughead tapping loudly on his keyboard. She still had the mild concern as to why Jughead would be wearing that heavy of a sweater in this heat.

It's not because of...that, right? It couldn't be. Veronica didn't think Jughead could hurt himself. But then again, she couldn't tell.

She could practically feel the heat radiating off of Jughead's body, and she was getting sick of it. She knew he was sweating, he had to be. Even though it was cooler in here than outside, it was still hot. Much to hot to be wearing that.

Now Veronica was getting annoyed. Jughead kept swiping his sleeve on his forehead to try and wipe away the sweat. She was about to snap.

_"Why can't he just take that fucking sweater off?' _She asked herself, angrily. 

Jughead sighed, the heat obviously getting to him. Veronica was getting worked up from both the annoyance and concern as to why the _fuck _Jughead was _still _wearing that sweater.

She needed to say something.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi!!! sorry for the late update!! i’ve been SO busy and just have not had ANY time to update this. hope you enjoy!!

"Oh my god." Veronica whispered harshly, turning her head to face Jughead. He just looked at her confused.

"Um, What?" Jughead said, wondering what the hell he had done made her snap at him like that. 

"Follow me outside" Veronica whispered in the same harsh tone as the teacher was facing the other way, oblivious as to what they were about to do.

"What? Why?" Jughead asked, confused as to why she would even want to talk at all.

"Just _do it_." Veronica said, exasperatedly, as she collected her stuff, and was making her way quietly outside. Jughead followed, careful as to not disrupt the teacher. 

When they both were finally facing each other in the empty hallway, Jughead spoke first.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" He said, trying to appear angry, but came off as confused, which, he certainly was. 

"Why are you wearing that?" She said with monotonous voice, trying to appear nonchalant, when in all reality she was anything but.

"Why am I wearing _what_, Veronica?" Jughead respond, genuinely confused.

"That sweater, dumbass. It's almost 90 degrees outside." Veronica 

Jughead gulped nervously. He honestly hadn’t thought anyone would care enough to notice. 

“It’s all i had clean.” Jughead tried to lie. He knew it sounded like a blatant lie.

“Jughead,” Veronica tried softly. She was beginning to understand what was going on with Jughead.

Jughead started to panic when she saw the sudden concern in Veronica’s eyes. He knew what must be going through her head.

Seeing his panic, Veronica tried another way to get through to him.

”Hey, Jughead. It’s okay, okay? Let’s just go to the bathroom, and let me see your arms. Can you do that, Jug?” Veronica asked softly. She surprised herself by calling him by the same nickname Betty always called him.

By the look on his face, Jughead was also surprised, but most of all-terrified. Jughead realized he couldn’t get out of this. All he could do was nod shakily.

With his approval, Veronica gently took his hand and dragged them both to the boys bathroom.

Thoughts were running wildly through their heads, both trying to figure out what they were going to say to the other.

All Veronica knew, was that she couldn’t mess this up. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> wow im just the worst at updating lol. but i have some free time and have many great ideas for this! thank you all for being SO patient. i really appreciate it. sorry this is so short, but i would also like to put a possible trigger warning: if descriptions of self harm scars trigger you, I recommend you don’t read this chapter.

Veronica and Jughead stepped into the boy's bathroom. Jughead had walked silently to the sinks while Veronica was making sure no one else was in there with them.

Jughead look petrified as Veronica made her way back to him. She still had no idea how to handle this situation or even what to say to Jughead, but she knew that he needed help. And she was going to have to be the one to give it.

Veronica couldn't say she was always the biggest fan of Jughead, and she's sure its the same way for him. He was constantly picking a fight with her about some dumb movie from 30 years ago, and she always had the thought that he saw her as pretentious. A daddy's girl, so to speak. 

She knew how hard Jughead's life had been. From coming from a broken home with an alcoholic father, his mother taking his sister away and leaving him behind to deal with him, Betty breaking up with him and dating Archie less than a week later. She felt sympathy for him. She didn't know when she started to, but she did. An all-consuming desperation to help him, to make him feel like himself again.

She didn't love Jughead. Not at all. But she did feel this overwhelming urge to keep him in her life as long as she could. She vaguely wondered from time to time if maybe she could love him in another life. Where she wasn't the daughter of a mob boss, and he wasn't the son of the Serpent King. A life where Veronica wasn't Veronica Lodge, and Jughead wasn't Forsythe Pendleton Jones III. 

Veronica walked carefully up to Jughead, as to not startle him. His eyes were cast down, but she knew she was watching her approach. 

“Jug?” Veronica tried.

Jughead didn’t answer. He just kept staring hard at the ground. 

“Jughead? Can you please look at me?” Veronica tried again.

This time Jughead finally moved his head to look at her. He had tears in his eyes, but she knew she wouldn’t see them fall. As embarrassing as this whole thing might be for him, she knew letting her see him cry would be much worse.

“Can I see your arms, Jug? I need to make sure they aren’t infected.” Veronica asked.

With no response from Jughead, Veronica tried again.

”Jughead, I need to see your arms. If they’re infected it could be really bad. Please, Jug.” Veronica pleaded.

Jughead wordlessly lifted his shaking arms towards Veronica, a silent invitation for her to lift his sleeves up.

Veronica gave him a tiny encouraging smile as she went to look at his arms.

Veronica didn’t know what she expected when she looked at his arms, but she never could have predicted how bad it was. The cuts on his arms were very pink and inflamed. They were definitely infected. They needed immediate medical attention.

Jughead noticed the way she was looking at his arms.

”What?” Jughead finally spoke for the first time sense they had walked in.

”Jug...” Veronica trailed off. This was bad. It’s not only the fact that he had done this to himself, it’s that fact that he cared so little about himself he couldn’t even take proper care of the self inflicted wounds.

”Veronica, what’s wrong. Besides the obvious.” He tried to joke, but Veronica could hear the nervousness in his voice. 

“Jughead, these are seriously infected. They need to be taken care of. And I’m not saying we need to go to a hospital, we can go back to my apartment and take of this. I have a pretty serious first aid kit there.” Veronica added the second part when she saw the look of panic on Jughead’s face.

Jughead was shaking, but when he looked down at his arms, he saw what she was talking about. They looked really bad. He used to take care of them, that’s why they didn’t scar. But recently he hadn’t cared enough to take care of them. It meant something different than what it used to. He wasn’t sure what though.   
  
Upon seeing the pleading look on Veronicas face, Jughead reluctantly agreed to go back to her house to clean these up. But before they left, Jughead had something to say.

”Veronica?” Jughead asked.

”Yes?” She answered.

“Can you promise me that you’re not going to tell anyone about this? I’m serious like, not even Betty or Archie. It’s embarrassing enough that you know, and this has to stay between us.” Jughead pleaded.

”Of course, Jughead. I would never tell anyone unless you wanted me to. I’m glad I know about this though, Jug. You need help.” Veronica said.

Jughead took a moment to answer. He knew she was right, he did need help. He couldn’t keep doing this.   
  
So why did he not want to stop?


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hi! i'm not back or anything, but i did get some inspiration for this story so i decided to take advantage of that. this part is kind of messy and not my best, but i hope you can still enjoy it!

"Why do you do it?" Veronica asked as she finished up cleaning Jughead's arm. The drive back to Pembrook had been silent, as though both were afraid of saying something that would scare the other.

Jughead hesitated. He hated being vulnerable in front of people, and Veronica Lodge was certainly not the exception.

"I don't want to talk about it, Veronica." He said exhaustedly.

"No. You don't get to do that. You don't get to push me away, Jug. Not here, not now." Veronica pushed, rising from she was on the floor next to the chair Jughead was sitting in.

"I don't owe you an explanation, Veronica. I didn't ask you to do this - any of this! You had no right to even confront me. I was doing just fucking fine, Veronica! I don't need to be saved." Jughead growled, rising to meet Veronica's stance.

"I never said you did! But this is serious, Jughead! You're hurting yourself, you could _die _if you keep doing this." Veronica yelled back.

"And so what if I did? Would that really be the worst fucking thing in the world? It would just make everyone's life a hell of a lot better." Jughead announced, matching her volume.

Veronica opened her mouth to rebuttal, but nothing came out. Did Jughead really believe that? That it wouldn't matter if he died? That no one would care? That she wouldn't care?

"Jughead, I-" She started.

"Just - just forget it, Veronica. Thanks for the help, but we're done. Just leave me alone, Veronica." Jughead whispered. He was on the verge of tears and he needed to leave as soon as possible. He was exhausted. He just wanted this hell of a day to be over already.

Veronica remained silent as she watched Jughead leave her apartment. She wanted to stop him, tell him how wrong he is and how much Veronica cared about him. But she didn't. She just watched him leave, a part of herself leaving with him.

* * *

Jughead didn't go to school the next day. He knew he couldn't face everyone, especially Veronica. Even before this whole thing, he never knew how to act around her. She had this way about her that made you feel inadequate to her, like she was superior to you in every way, and she knew it. He hated her. In every way possible.

He hated her obnoxious attitude, the fact that she had more money than he would know what to do with, and the fact that she gets everything she wants. 

He hated the fact that he cared about her. He hated the fact that even gave a shit about her. He hates her, he shouldn't feel like he's being stabbed in the heart whenever he saw her upset.

He hates himself. He hates everything in this fucking world. He just wants everything to stop. 

Jughead rose from his bed when he heard a knock at his trailer door. He stopped before opening the door to check his phone. It was only 11'o clock. Who the hell would be knocking on his door?

When he opened his door to see who it was, he was greeted to the image of Veronica Lodge standing at his doorstep. 

"I told you to leave me alone Veronica. I'm fine. Go back to school." Jughead said, gravely.

Veronica responded with a deep sigh, ignoring his command for her to leave. She knew he was lying, obviously. He was the farthest thing from fine.

"Jughead, if you don't want me to help, fine. But I still want us to be friends. What's wrong with that?" Veronica said with a small smile. She was trying her hardest to not scream _yes you fucking do need help, you asshole._

Jughead stared incredulously. "Veronica when were we ever friends? Hell, when were we ever _aquanitances_?" 

"Look, I know we aren't best friends or anything, but I still do care about you. I want to be your friend. Is that really the worst thing in the world Jughead?" Veronica asked.

"Yes, yes it is Veronica. I mean if yesterday hadn't happened, you wouldn't be here. Don't act like my savior, because you're not. Just get out of here - I wouldn't want you to ruin your new shoes anyway." Jughead blankly responded as he went to close the trailer door.

Veronica stopped the door with her hand. 

Jughead looked at her with a mix of annoyance and shock.

"Look Jughead, I don't care what you think of me, or why I'm here. I'm here because I want to be, not because I feel like I _have_ to be here." Veronica stated with a sense of finality in her voice.

Jughead narrowed his eyes at her. Every bone in his body was screaming to not let her in. She would inevitably leave just like everyone else in his life. If he let her in now, she would see how weak he was and grow disgusted at him for it. 

Jughead looked her up and down, and even though he knew that this would end in one big horrible mess and just blow up in both their faces, he let her in. 

From this moment on, Jughead and Veronica's life would never be the same.


End file.
